OUR PREGNANCY JOURNEY
We all picture it. Our life. How it’s supposed to go, when it’s supposed to happen, what it’s going to be like. This is what I did with pregnancy. Pregnancy is happy! Exciting! Perfect! Right?! Sometimes…but not always. This is our story.
Sunday, March 2nd, was a big day for us in our spiritual life. We made a huge decision in trying to do what the Lord was leading us to do. It was life changing. It was hard, but it had to be done.
Monday, March 3rd, pregnant. I remember being alone in our home and thinking “ ah, let just see.” Tested once. Didn’t believe it. Tested again… still didn’t. Ran to Walmart and got one of the pregnancy tests that said PREGNANT or NOT PREGNANT so that I couldn’t misunderstand at all. Sure enough, PREGNANT came up on that little tiny screen. My heart fell to my feet. Standing over the bathroom sink, sobbing in excitement and joy. We were having a BABY! I quickly ran to Walmart, and got a onesie and iron-on letters to make a onesie to tell Avery. He came home and was also in disbelief, but SO excited. In the next coming weeks we spread the news to our families and rejoiced in the blessing that God gave us, I believe because we obeyed Him and took that life altering step of faith.
Week 8 of pregnancy rolls around and as I’m laying in bed the night before our first ultrasound, I was praying like I normally do before I fall asleep and I just quickly said “ Lord, if you think that I can handle twins, please let it be twins.” Ultimately, I just wanted a healthy baby and all I wanted is to see one heart beat. But, in my heart of hearts my desire was twins.
Walked into the hospital, signed in, got called back, started the ultrasound. The ultrasound tech looked at me when we got to the part of seeing the heartbeat. She said “ do you see a heartbeat?”. I was looking at the screen and I thought I saw two, but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to sound dumb! i’ve never even seen an ultrasound done before. I quickly answered, “yes’. “Where do you see that?”, she replies. I told her I saw it in two places. Her exact words, “YEP! There’s two in there”. Avery squeezed my hands as our tears rolled down our faces. All I cared about is one heartbeat, God gave us two. Double Blessing.
We finished up and immediately texted his family and told them. Rushed over to my parents and told them. Everyone couldn’t believe it. God answered our prayers. All we could think was BLESSED.
I had my first appointment with the OB and she told me that with twin pregnancies, they automatically send me down to a Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor because this type of pregnancy was “high risk”. Scheduled my appointment. Avery had to work so I was going to go alone to my appointment and then afterwards go to Target and buy some maternity clothes for when I started showing. I was never more excited for anything in my life.
Walked into my appointment and the lady was scanning me and had a student with her. She got the images she needed and told me to wait here and she was going to show the doctor. 30 minutes went by, then an hour. Finally, the nurse, student, and doctor walk into my room. The doctor pulls up a chair and gets about a foot away from my face. Instantly, my heart sinks. I’m starting to feel sick. She begins… “Holly, 85% of women with your type of pregnancy ( 2 sacs, 1 placenta) have a perfectly normal pregnancy with 2 very healthy babies, no complications. 15% of women with your pregnancy are not normal, have a lot of complications, and end very badly. I’m afraid to tell you.. your in the 15%.”. Wait… what!? No. God gave me these twins, and now your telling me that this is going to be a rough pregnancy?! Your telling me that I am going to have a HARD road!? You’re telling me that I will have a lot of appointments and probably a C-Section!? Not what I was expecting.
She gave me all these medical terms and explained what she saw in the picture. I scheduled my next appointment with the receptionist, trying to hold in the tears that were about to burst out of me. I quickly texted Avery and told him to be prepared for crying when I call him.
I could barely speak, trying to tell him everything she said as I sat out in my car in the hospital parking lot. We cried together. How could this happen?
I drove home and was laying bed, trying to figure out how this could make sense. As I was drifting off to sleep, my phone lit up. My bible app has a verse of the day everyday that I have NEVER payed any attention to, until that night. That particular verse of the day was Romans 8:31 - “What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?” Wow. Right then and right there, I knew this journey was going to be hard but I knew God was with me.
Week 20 rolls around and it was time for our family vacation. At this point, the doctors wanted to see me every Friday for a very detailed ultrasound, so we planned our vacation time around the appointments. Left on a Saturday and flew in on Friday morning. We landed and drove straight to the hospital. So far, the appointments have been the best they could be. Until this appointment.
We sat there as we waited for the doctor to come in, talking about the amazing time we had with family on our much needed vacation. He came in, sat down, and rolled his chair as close to me as he could. I knew what this meant. "Holly, Baby B is in danger. He is not getting enough nutrients, and is most likely going to pass away. If this happens, then baby A will be majorly affected by this and could also pass, or suffer from a stroke which could lead into some brain damage”. Tears began to roll down our faces. He continued, “There could be a time where I think its best that we end Baby B’s life early, to potentially save Baby A”. Wait… an abortion!? “Is that something you two would be ok with doing if we had to?”, he asked. Tears running down my face, I quickly replied, “No, it is not an option.” He continued to fill us in on the benefits of the procedure, and the risks of not doing it, and explained the plan moving forward. Still an appointment every week.
Verse on that day… Psalms 119:114 - “Thou art my hiding place and my shield: I hope in thy word.”
We called our family. Had to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. We got home and I was letting our dog out and looked up to the sky and here’s what I saw.
not just one rainbow…but two.
The doctor said only one would survive, God told me… I promised you, two. Again, we wept.
Week after week, appointment after appointment I drove back and forth. Every bad appointment, the verse of the day was spot on. I won’t tell you every single detail but this blog post would never end, but here’s some examples of the verses God gave to me in this hard time.
Isaiah 26:3 - “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusted in thee.”
Mark 11:24 - “Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them".
My favorite one he gave was on a very bad day where I was struggling in my mind..
John 14:27 - “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
In faith, we completed their nursery. Trusting and believing we’d be taking two babies home from the hospital on the day of delivery. In faith, we bought diapers, and clothing. In faith, we had two baby showers.
As the appointments went on, the doctor was telling me that if we could get baby B to just ONE pound, we could deliver with a chance of survival. God had a a better plan.
Fast forward to September 27th I wrote this in my notes on my phone:
“As I sit here in the quietness of our home. Clothes being washed, fall clothes that need to be put away, windows open with fresh fall air pouring in and I can feel these two babes inside me as we speak, We are one day away from meeting these two miracles God so amazingly gave to us. Miracles that have been through so much already. As I feel a sense of guilt for my dog Tilly, the fact that the twins are coming early and there’s nothing I can do about it, that they are gonna be in the NICU for a little bit, and the fact I can’t experience a natural birth is in the back of my mind. I remind myself that this is how God intended it to go. I have to remind myself that the plan wasn’t to have an easy pregnancy, and it wasn’t to have a natural birth, and it wasn’t supposed to be a full term pregnancy. I embrace it. I embrace Gods plan. I am so ready to meet my two loves and raise them with the love of my life. This journey won’t be easy, it will take some adjusting for me, ave and Tilly but I am confident that God gave them to us, this way, in this time to make us perfect. I will feel good about myself and my dumb stretch marks, and my weight gain and my emotional state because God chose ME to carry these two amazing little boys and raise them into men that He would want them to be. God could have chosen anyone, but He chose me. “
September 28th, 33rd week and 6th day of pregnancy.
We packed up our stuff, loaded the car with both car seats, and headed out to the hospital. Took us in, got me prepped for C- Section and brought me into the OR. A sea of family waiting for us in the waiting room, praying. Not knowing the condition of our boys, they opened me up, and took out baby A, Cooper. He cried, I cried. Took out baby B, Graham. He cried, I cried harder. Avery went off with them to see them get weighed and also see how they were doing. They finished sewing me up and wheeled me to the recovery room.
BOTH, healthy boys. What a miracle.
Cooper Neal Bowman, 4 lbs 13 oz.
Graham Beckett Bowman, 3 lbs. 1 oz.
24 days in the NICU, battle after battle, the Lord was ALWAYS there. There were a lot of the things the Lord did for me in the NICU but just one simple burden He lifted was this:
October 6th, I was worried that the boys wouldn’t have good care on this particular night, and our favorite nurse Niki was off. As I felt guilty that I had to go off to my separate room, and couldn’t take care of them, I prayed that the Lord would comfort me. 3 AM rolled around and I went to the boys room to feed them, and there stood Niki. They called her into work because they were short staffed. The Lord did that just for me. I got back to my room and couldn’t sleep because I was so amazed, so I was scrolling through Pinterest and the very first quote on there said this: “and this is when He whispers.. I’m here daughter”.
On the final day of our NICU stay, the doctor came in and told us that we could go HOME. The perfect ending to this would not be without a fitting verse of the day which is the one that got me the most.
Proverbs 22:6 - “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
All this time, the verses were about comfort, peace, hope, trust. But this one was almost like God was saying to me.. “I've fulfilled my promise, now go raise them to love me.” Wow.
People ask me all the time.. Is God real? This my friends gives that answer very clearly, YES.
If you don’t know the Lord as your personal savior and you’re not sure if your going to heaven when you die, please please email/text/message/call me. I’d be more than happy to share with you how you can have a personal relationship with the one that walked with me through my entire pregnancy and continues to walk with me every single day.
Our boys are now over 9 and 6 lbs and doing amazing. God had us in the palm of his hand the entire way, and He has something very special for these two boys. I thank God everyday for the way He showed himself to me in this time. I will never forget how blessed Avery and I are with these two miracles. Thank you Lord, thank you.